


What Never Was

by didsomeonesayventus



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2018-04-06 05:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4209255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didsomeonesayventus/pseuds/didsomeonesayventus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who would believe the brightest light and the deepest darkness ever falling in love?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Never Was

Sora was watching the sunset with a very... unusual companion. He didn’t think he’d ever consider the younger Xehanort a friend, but the two had grown into unlikely friends. It started with questions, then debates, and then somehow they were talking about their real stances on the Keyblade War Master Xehanort was inciting, and then suddenly they were chatting rather amicably whenever they met.

“This is a nice one, eh?” Sora asked.

“Better than home.” Xehanort replied.

Sora laughed at this, “You say that like our home is terrible...”

Xehanort rolled his shoulders with a frown, “It was a prison...”

Sora chuckled and shoved him playfully, “A friend of mine said the same thing, and he’s gone back to loving it just the same.”

“Ah yes, Riku.” Xehanort said the name with distaste.

“Riku’s not that bad...” Sora sighed, “Well... He kind threw a wrench in your-”

“My elder’s-”

“Yeah, old baldy-nort’s -plans.” Sora went with Xehanort’s correction. He continued his point shortly after, “But he really isn’t that bad.”

Xehanort mulled it over in silence. He changed the subject, “Oh how I loathe the fact I will go bald.”

Sora laughed yet again, “Well, it won’t be for awhile. Who knows, I might get bald, too!”

Xehanort snorted at this, but then silence trickled back in. Sora then felt a hand on his shoulder. He shrugged, but let it stay. Then Xehanort slowly sidled closer. “The sunset... is truly beautiful. Very few compare.”

“Yeah.” Sora agreed. He’d seen his fair share- and some were WAY better - but this was good. Better than going day in and day out fighting heartless. It was nice to have a break-

“Do you...” Xehanort hesitated.

Sora turned to look at the slightly taller youth, “Do I what?”

Xehanort was fussing with his gloved hands, biting his cheek, his lip, looking at his feet. He sighed, “Do you, Sora...” He still couldn’t say what he wanted to. It finally came out in a bitter laugh, “Do you love me?”

Sora blinked.

Once.

Twice.

Three- four times.

He didn’t know how to respond, “Ah... Heh... Uh...” He honestly had no idea how to answer this, “Do you?”

 

“Hypothetical question.” Xehanort said. Quick. Curt. perhaps too much so. “I’m just... curious.”

Sora then shrugged, “Nah.” He smiled reassuringly, “But you’re a surprisingly good friend.”

Xehanort’s hands dropped to his side. “... Of course.”

...

It was a joke now. That silly little question, a facetious greeting. 

“Do you love me now, Sora?”

“Nope, still friends.”

They laughed about it. Sora thought it was just a less serious game. He kept laughing at it and making up silly replies, enjoying Xehanort’s meeker smile in return. He noticed a certain sadness in it, but he supposed that was lingering from the fact they had to meet in secret. They couldn’t really tell anyone, since even a mere friendship was beyond scandalous.

But then Sora slowly realized something. He liked that voice. Those eyes. How soft the silver hair was. The surprising gentleness that was beneath the hard exterior.

Xehanort gave his standard greeting.

Sora paused.

“I think I do.”

Xehanort’s expression turned into one of alarm, then surprise, and then he covered his mouth.

“W-what-”

“What did you say?!”

Sora didn’t know how to take the panic in Xehanort’s voice, “I... I think I do-”

Xehanort grabbed him, “What?!”

Sora cocked his head, “Do what-”

“What do you mean?!” Xehanort asked again.

Sora quirked out a smile, “I think I love you.”

...

The romance was one they enjoyed. Their time was spent winding away the stress of a universal war on the horizon, relaxing, enjoying each other’s company. They found beautiful crevices in the worlds through their little rendezvous, and somehow they were at peace. Love-struck murmurs and stolen kisses and forbidden touches flying past cloud nine to far beyond it.

It was a long time before Sora expressed dissatisfaction.

“Xeha... This whole... mess.” He said uncertainty, wrapped up in the time-traveling youth’s arms. “I dunno if I can do it anymore.”

Xehanort’s blood chilled. He shakily held Sora closer, “No, no we’re fine-”

“Xeha, look...” Sora backed out of the embrace, “W-we can’t see each other normally, and we haven’t told anyone and I-I don’t like lying to my friends-”

“I promise you,” Xehanort grabbed Sora’s hand, “when this is all over-”

“That might be too late.” Sora stopped him. He sighed, “Look it’s getting to be more trouble than it’s worth-”

“It’s not.” Xehanort held Sora’s hand to his heart, shaking his head earnestly, “It’s not. It’s worth every moment, my sky.” His hand was trembling. He didn’t want to lose sight of the light now that he had it. His other hand reached out to stroke Sora’s cheek, “My love, stay with me... please.”

Sora looked just as torn, but he backed away, “Xehanort, we can’t keep it up forever-”

“We can!” Xehanort desperately tried to hold Sora again, “We can! I can! I can bear everything! Pin everything and anything you need to upon me and I will bear it for your sake!”

Sora looked only partly convinced. “Xeha... they’re asking me where I keep going-”

“Missions, reconnaissance!” Xehanort scoffed, “They can believe anything you tell them!”

Sora’s brows knit with confused anger, “A-are you implying they’re stupid?”

“No!” Xehanort groaned. He then snapped, “If you’re so worried about them you might as well introduce me properly-”

“Xehanort they’ll kill you!” Sora sighed, partly irritated, partly concerned.

Xehanort replied, “Then I might as well die trying to do something right in my life for once!” He grabbed Sora’s hand, getting even more desperate now to cling to the light, “Please, my sky, I can get you anything. Anything, anything at all to make you happy just name it and I will give my all to attain it just for you-”

“Get me peace.” 

Sora’s voice rang with deadly seriousness. His glare was soft, somber. It started cracking into a grievous countenance, and his voice did the same, “End this mess in a way where we can both be happy.”

Xehanort sat there. Eyes wide with thought, hands shaking, lips curled inward.

Sora pulled away, “I-I didn’t think so.” He pulled his hand out of Xehanort’s grasp and turned away, “I-I really enjoyed this but-”

“Then stay! Stay with me!” Xehanort begged.

“We won’t be happy-”

“I will! I will be with you and that is all the happiness I need-”

“Maybe it’s not that simple-”

“SORA PLEASE!”

They both fell into silence. Xehanort’s face was taut, mortified. He didn’t mean to yell like that.

“Please...” He whispered.

Sora finally turned around and held Xehanort’s shoulders, "Look we're not gonna work out-"

"we can, we can we just haven't tried hard enough-"

"Xehanort I have been giving you everything I can from the start and I can't anymore!"

The pain in Sora’s eyes was unbearably palpable. It was torture enough for both of them. Sora wiped at his eyes, “Xehanort...” He let out a small gasp, trying to catch his breath through tears in his throat, then held Xehanort’s cheek, “Xeha, there’ll always be someone else-”

“Easy enough for you to say.” Xehanort spat, “You have Kairi. You have Riku. Your options are plenty.” A tear finally rolled over, and his voice cracked, “I have no one, Sora. No one but you.”

Sora nodded. He knew that. He quietly leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Xehanort’s lips. For a moment Xehanort thought that Sora was going to stay with him, that he’d brave through it all, but then Sora backed away. Tears were running down his cheeks, “Look... I...”

Sora was taking every step backwards, “Xeha I’ll...”

Kingdom Hearts the tears wouldn’t stop for either of them, “X-Xehanort I’ll...”

Sora turned around, “I’ll miss you...”

The boy tried to say more. His voice kept reducing it to a hacking sob.

Finally, it was a tiny squeak barely comprehensible, “Goodbye.”

Xehanort watched Sora run off, and began running right after, “Sora! SORA!” Xehanort’s legs gave out almost immediately. He became tripped up in his thoughts, gears whirring and searching, wondering where he went wrong, how he went wrong, “Sora please!”

But the boy was gone.

...

He covered it up so well. Didn’t even frown, as if none of it ever happened. Continued to play his little games and make more friends and keep the ones he had. Still happy. Not even a trace of regret or sadness to be seen.

Xehanort lurked in his shadow, following just out of reach, yearning for that smile to be his again.

He was angry.

They stopped meeting.

Their weapons started clashing once more.

...

“I’ll take the youngest. You know, the brat.” Sora said flippantly. No one questioned this and they kept rearranging the chessboard, adjusting to the plan. Riku figured he’d take on Ansem. Kairi called dibs on Xemnas or Xigbar until Aqua said she’d try with them first and then see if she could find Terra elsewhere. Ven agreed, but knew he would probably be needed elsewhere. Riku reluctantly grabbed Master Xehanort, but then Aqua cut in yet again saying that he was extremely powerful and she should handle it. Kairi and Ven asked simultaneously if she was gonna handle all thirteen by herself.

Among their arguing, no one saw the tears in Sora’s eyes or caught the pondering tap against the Kingdom Key in his lap.

...

War was the usual. Fighting was no stranger to Sora after two years of it almost nonstop, and the desolate landscape and frantic noises hardly bothered him. Everyone was doing as they planned like a well-oiled machine. The young man at his feet certainly did bother him, however.

He stabbed his Keyblade into the ground, bending down and kneeling just out of sight from the battle, shrouded by masterless Keyblades rusted and old from the war of ages ago. He stroked the dark cheek beneath him, “Xeha...”

There was already blood at the corner of his mouth. The mortal wound at his chest was sopping wet. The spark in his eyes was dulling.

Sora pressed his forehead to Xehanort’s, “I’m sorry... I’m so sorry...” He kissed him, one more time, just one more time. He guided one limp hand to his hair, so it could curl itself around those brown spikes like it always did. Xehanort’s fingers quivered for just a moment, and for just a moment Sora could imagine that they weren’t doomed from the start.

Then he stilled. The hand fell. His lips grew colder.

The boy moved on.

...

No one ever understood why Sora wasn’t the same. There was a small fracture in him. 

He hooked up with Riku uncannily fast after the war, to pretty much everyone’s surprise with a wicked grin from Kairi saying she probably knew this was going to happen. They were happy. Very happy. But sometimes Sora would stop himself mid sentence, or get a wistful look when sitting in Riku’s arms.

It was almost half a year before the name slipped past his lips.

“Xeha...” 

Sora’s voice trailed off in mild horror, and his hands sprung up to cover his mouth. He glanced at Riku. Those intense turquoise eyes were staring at him. Whether it was anger or concern was unknown.

“Sora, are you... Uh... I-is this- were you having a flashback or...” Riku’s voice fluctuated in pitch and tone. He didn’t believe that was the case. He continued staring at Sora, silently asking every question he could.

Sora spoke through his hands, “I-I... I... Riku, you know I wouldn’t...” Tears bubbled up, and then suddenly the whole story fell from his lips in some gangly, twisted form racked with grief and regret. The secret he had kept locked away for the sake of forgetting.

He knew Riku was mad. So mad. He could feel it in the tremors of his large, strong arms. Mad at him, as he stroked his hair and murmured forgiveness and solace. 

“It’s fine, Sora... It’s fine it’s in the past-”

“But Riku I-I really liked him, and I didn’t even want to go-”

“It’s okay.”

 

“But it hurts-”

“It’ll always hurt-”

“There’s nothing I can do to ease it? Never? I-I didn’t even get to properly say goodbye...!”

Riku stopped as Sora trailed off into pained sobs, because he remembered someone who could help.

...

“So... what you’re asking of me... You’re sure you want to do it?” Namine asked, quietly preparing her crayons and pencils and paints and papers. 

Her artistic horizons had broadened in the time between its original use and now- she mostly created art for fun and sold it in Twilight Town these days, and was getting quite a name for herself as a respected artist. Her connections to memories, however, didn’t fade. She didn’t bother to mention it, however, and neither did the people who knew. They all intended for it to just let it slip away from memory. Just an ordinary girl with ordinary drawings and paintings, dressed in white splattered with careless strokes of color.

Except now, Sora and Riku were asking for her more supernatural assistance once more.

Sora nodded, “Just take it, remove it, erase it completely-”

“Sora, you know I can’t do that.” Namine said curtly, a moment where she firmly stood her ground. She then gently gave her advice, “And from what I can tell, first love... that’s a special thing. You sure you want to forget it?”

“This was a mistake.” Sora whispered, “It was all a mistake. I shouldn’t’ve loved him but I did and now... Now it just hurts.”

Riku seemed to be slightly torn on the issue, but then he agreed, “Can you... I dunno rearrange things? Make it so that he remembers something a little more logical.”

“I can...” Namine reluctantly murmured, “I can... Ah, reforge the memories, so to speak. Like what I did with your memories of Kairi. I can change them into something else that makes sense, but I can’t truly make you forget.” She then giggled, “What was with that comment about being logical? Since when was Sora one to trust his head over his heart?”

They all smiled a moment and laughed.

Sora then nodded, “Yeah. Just... make it how it should’ve happened. No love. We’re enemies.”

Namine pressed her hands together like she always did. She could almost see the little links wrapping themselves between her fingers, ready to be pulled apart and changed. “You’re sure?”

Sora nodded, gaze unflinching, “Yeah.”

Namine thought about it. “I’ll remember it. I always will.” She told Sora, “I’ll probably smile when you talk about how you defeated him, triumphed over the darkness. It’ll be because I know you’re happier that way, but...” 

Her piercing eyes met Sora’s, “Are you absolutely sure?”

...

“ ~~Xehanort~~... You’re softer than they say.” A quiet moment between them became a gloat. A mockery of Sora’s trust in everyone, everything, and most of all love and friendship. A sentence intended to be encouraging of kindness became an insult.

“I have now told you all that I know, ~~my sky~~. We are all here, and what the future holds in store is beyond my sight...” Words that had come out hesitant and rightfully frightened now held bored distance, and the explanations on either side of them now dripped with contempt instead of respect.

“I ~~’m sorry~~ hate you... I ~~’m so sorry~~ hate you more than anything...” Sora had said, triumphing over the darkness in a cluster of abandoned Keyblades, satisfied with the spark of life leaving Xehanort as the Kingdom Key choked every last bit out with a purple stain on that dark neck.

Every gentle word became a sneer.

Every kiss a clash of blades.

Every touch a wound.

It rippled out to everyone, how Sora and the youth of the past stood toe to toe as bitter enemies in the war, frequently meeting up to harass each other. It was never told any differently. That was the story. No one ever remembered.

Sora never remembered, how once upon a time he watched the sunset and told the most unlikely of companions the words “I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Don't mind me just keeping the crack ship/submarine alive and getting sad


End file.
